Not In This Light Year
by Dirty-Baka
Summary: Invader Zim Marvin the Martin... Slash! Chapter One is up. Soon More chapters. Please RnR


Invader Zim and all relating characters © Jhonen Vasquez Marvin the Martian/X-2 and related characters © Warner Brothers. Used without permission and for the sole purpose of entertainment.  
  


**Not in this LightYear**  
by: Spug [ triggeritchsbcglobal.net ]  
  
_Chapter One: The Man**?** from Mars._

  
  
It wasn't the fourth of July.   
  
And it wasn't a celebration of a New Year.   
  
He knew that on these silly Earth holidays, the skies would be lit up in a festive display of lights, their true meaning unclear, but if to hypnotize the entire population into bubbling, drooling, staring brainless fools for an hour or so.   
  
Not that they weren't fools already. But the sudden flare of light in tonights sky had nothing to do with Human festivities. It made sensors bleep and radars hiss with an exterritorial delight. It's blazing firelight streak across the filthy planet's sky for one glorious moment...  
  
.. And then it exploded on the ground.   
  
" LOCATION! COORDINATES! GIVE THEM TO ME NOW! " A black gloved hand was shaken in a vicious manner for faster acknowledgment of his cries, the other tugging at the handles of a squeaky tri-wheeled vehicle. If only the malfunctioning droid would comply. Instead it sang and got entangled in the paper from the Irken computer.   
  
" GIR! You worthless Unit. NOW! "   
  
" It's like ah party! " Sparks danced as the android tore off a section of the printouts and hopped on the handle bars of the tricycle. " Due West Master. Two kilometers! "   
  
Both door and screen were tore open as the Irken sped down the sidewalk. The clock had read only three A.M. Much too early for puny earth-creatures to be up and about. Enough time for him to get a drop on what had entered the atmosphere, and with any luck, use it to conquer this pathetic planet.   
  
Zim couldn't help but let out a devilish laugh as he peddled down the road. Pink eyes lowered to match his sadistic smile. Antenna waving behind him. Three A.M. required no disguise. His SIR Unit, Gir sat on the trykes handlebars, his tongue flapping in the wind.   
  
" If it's an Meteoroid. We'll harness any energy it has left to fuel a WEAPON OF DOOM! "   
  
" DOOM! " Gir echoed.  
  
" If it's any sort of space metal, we'll create a WEAPON OF DOOM! "   
  
" DOOM! " Ditto.   
  
Zim always had the good ideas. Huffing and puffing, he neared the Skool and could see the still blazing fire from where the item had landed. Perhaps this would be the key. To destroying Dib and the rest of the foolish humanoids. He had to have any power within his grasp.  
  
Rounding the courtyard of the skool, the smoke from the previous crash became almost chokingly thick. Blanketing the skool-yard with a polluted spooktacular effect. Like in the B-rated movies they showed on late night brain-washer. Peddling into the unknown didn't seem like the best idea, so Zim skidded to a stop in the grass and slid off the tryke.   
  
Waving a gloved hand in front of his face, the Irken squinted and tried to see into the all consuming smoke. The flicker of flames, dark twisted shapes that seemed half buried in the ground. He couldn't make much out. Fumes overwhelming and making him slightly nauseous. But he didn't need to risk his own neck on surveying. He had a SIR unit.   
  
" Gir! " Zim growled and booted at his malfunctioning android. The tiny gray unit was busy eating grass. " Do what you're made to do and use your high-tech programming and tell me if there is ANYTHING worth salvaging here! "   
  
" We're missing the reruns. " Gir whined, but did as he was told. The SIR unit's blue glowing eyes shifted to a more malevolent red and he stepped into the smoke, heading toward the crash site, calling out the occasional. " Oooo I found a penny! Someone went wee-wee in the floooower bed! Gonna need a turtle wax after this.. It's STINKY in here! "  
  
Zim tapped his boot against the grass and crossed his arms. Brows lowered. His normal green coloration taking on a darker shade of near blue in the low light. Growing impatient with the lack of cooperation from his SIR Unit.   
  
" GIR! If you DON'T find something WORTHWHILE very shortly, I'm going to put you in the blender again! "   
  
" But I LIKE the blender! " The SIR Unit chirp back from deep within the smoke. Zim squinted and tried to see, but to no avail. At least it seemed the fire was dying out. That could be a bad thing, if it had consumed all there was to consume, this trip had been pointless.   
  
" GIR. I'm LOSING my PATIENCE! "   
  
" Weeeeeeeeee! " The Android suddenly sung out. " Someone stuck a shoe brush in the ground, I will use it to polish my backs– "   
  
The SIR Unit was cut off by a high pitched sound. Laser fire! Any Irken knew the sound of laser fire, but before Zim could react, Gir came flying out of the smoke squealing and waving his small arms in glee...   
  
..right before he slammed into Zim and knocked the both of them flat on their backs in the grass.   
  
Zim laid stunned for a moment. Eyes wide and staring up at the night sky. Beside him, Gir let out a wheeze, his chest baring an unsightly singe mark. " Gir deserves a Taco for that one. "   
  
" Quiet. " Zim groaned and pushed himself up on his arms. Antenna straightening as he shifted his gaze to the cloud of smoke. Whoever..whatever had just fired a laser was slowly coming into view. Zim let his muscles strain, ready for action, to deal with what ever foolish creature DARED to fire upon the Conquering Irken.   
  
A series of low clicks and beeps reached his ears from the advancing smoky form. Soft sounds of feet crunching in the grass. Zim let out a nervous snort and opened up the patches on his back unit, the long silver spider-like legs starting to emerge.   
  
And then he got his first look at the creature as it stepped from the smoke. Clicking and beeping. It's all of... two feet and some inches of either smoke stained skin, or black in nature... threat! A Soot covered hand dusting at a strange green metal skirt that allotted it's humanoid waist. Thin, Short, A helmet of some sort over it's rounded head. A bristled brush, obviously what Gir had discovered, frayed and burnt. Standing on two legs with large shoes. From what Zim could see, it didn't seem to have any facial features. But he could see that it had a laser gun, pointed up at the moment, the tip still smoldering from the blast.   
  
Zim blinked and then gasped. With a hiss of anger the rest of his spider-like metal legs shot from his back and soon leveled him above the ground. This? THIS tiny.. Whatever it was, DARED to fire upon the GREAT CONQUER ZIM?!? He opened his mouth to snarl out his displeasure.  
  
But all that came out was " GrrrrraaaaaahaaaaaaPPPPH! "   
( Which Gir Immediately Echoed. )  
  
The new comer, obviously another alien, stopped it's dusting and lifted it's head toward Zim, two very big, very round, very black eyes opened, and settled on the Irken. Head tilting as Zim's scream/rant ended and it let out another series of clicks, blinking slowly.   
  
Zim blinked back, and stood put. Suspended on his legs. Eyeing the strange creature. What was it? Was it male or female? What did it want? For almost a full minute, the two aliens stared at each other. Just off to the left, a cricket chirped.  
  
Gir broke the silence. ' It sings beautifully! "   
  
" SILENCE GIR! " Zim hissed at his SIR Unit. And turned his attention back to the other alien.   
  
" Oh goody! You know the native tongue on this dirty planet as well! " A soft, effeminate tone rang out from the new comer and it tilted it's head in a cute manner. No mouth movements. Telepathic perhaps? Zim's own mouth drooped in a confused manner.   
  
" I had a little mishap with my ship... " The other alien lowered it's gun and took a few steps toward Zim. Eyes half-lidded in a calm manner. " I apologize for shooting your android, it took to gnawing on my helmet... "   
  
" Gir.. " Zim said stupidly. Still shocked and still hanging there. He was still having trouble decided how to treat this creature. Female? Male? He couldn't tell! It was wearing a skirt...  
  
The other alien blinked and stopped it's advance. A brow raising over one of it's large eyes. " You....DO understand me, don't you? " One gloved hand was raised and the other alien tapped it's helmet. " You're an IRKEN aren't you? Funny, Their usually sooo tall.. "   
  
Zim suddenly sputtered to life. What? How? " HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? YOU'RE IN LEAGUES WITH THAT DIRTY EARTHLING DIB AREN'T YOU?!" As he screamed, spit rained out and Zim rose higher on his spider legs. Eyes flashing with rage. " Well I'm not going to LET you. GIR ATTACK FORMATION! "   
  
" Dib? " The small black alien blinked at the sudden outrage. " Oh my.. " Head craning up towards the now towering Irken. " Nonono.. I come in peace, Irken, there's no.. ERP! "   
  
The ebony colored Alien's eyes widened as twin metal tentacles shot from the Irken's back and wrapped full around it's body. Squeezing tight and quickly rendering the other alien trapped. Uncomfortable. The metal was cold. With a quick flip, Zim leveled the other alien upside down and began to viciously shake it.   
  
" Drop your weapon, scum, or I shall break any existing bones in your body! " Puffing out his chest in his act of sneaky dominance, Zim choose the moment to grin off his wavy shaped teeth to the outsider. " Gir! Fetch the weapon. "   
  
A low groan escaped the other alien. Tho the Irken displayed extreme hostility, it remained calm, if not, slightly muffed, and it voiced such. " Ooooo you're an Irritating one, Why are you Irken's always so hyper? Here take it. " Eye lids lowered and it sighed as Gir climbed up one of Zim's legs and monkey-bared up to where the other alien dangled. Reaching out, the SIR unit snatched the laser gun. Pausing for a moment, the android darted out it's tongue and licked the other alien in it's face.   
  
" GIR! Hand me that weapon! "   
  
" It TASTES Like the black stuff in the bottom of the stove! " Gir giggled and then climbed onto Zim's head. Passing the weapon down to his Master.   
  
The new comer fawned it's brows and huffed. Lithe chest pressing against the cold metal that encircled it's chest. " Does your android ALWAYS lick your enemies? "   
  
" Silence. " Zim swung the laser in one hand triumphantly, smiling. Leveling an eye to his captured foe. " .. He's just malfunctioned, it's not MY fault.. BUT.. That's NONE of your concern STRANGE creature possibly friend of D- "   
  
" Martian. " The other alien interrupted. Letting it's shoes drop a bit. Clearly discomforted.   
  
" What? " Zim squared a brow, clearly confused.   
  
" Maaaaaartiaaaaan. " The other repeated. This time it's tone seemed somewhat snooty. " As in, I'm from Mars. Not very far from here, granted. " It closed it's eyes. ' My name is X-2, Commander X-2, of the Martian Army. I'm not even supposed to BE on this planet, I was surveying, and had a malfunction. "   
  
" Martian? " Zim curled his lip and leaned inward. Really close to this said Martian's face. Eyes squinting as he studied it. Gir did the same, humming as he leaned in..   
  
.. And then took to licking the Martian's shoe.   
  
" Hmph. Fine. Say you ARE from Mars. That doesn't convince me you're NOT in leagues with my enemy. " Zim shot out a hand and tapped the Martian on the forehead. " Even if you're not, I've already have this planet well on it's way to being conquered by the Irken Race, and ZIM does not take KINDLY to Rivalry! "   
  
The other alien rolled it's eyes and huffed slightly. Female! Like the pink-bubble blowing skirted earth-children. In superior!  
  
" Oh Really? " The Martian shook HER head. " From what my surveillance of the planet has told me, there's about as much Irken conquering going on this pathetic planet as there is vast intelligence. Could you set me dooooown now? "   
  
This jiffed Zim. " SILENCE! " He shook his first at the Martian. " OBEY THE FIST! I am the NEW LEADER on this STINKY ROCK BECAUSE I SAID SO! A Silly little Martian Female isn't even worthy of presence of the GREAT ZIM! "   
  
Gir jeered out a " INNA SKIRT! " Lick.   
  
" FEMALE?!? " The Martian's brows lowered dangerously, and a flush of red danced over HIS face. " I'm NOT a FEMALE you irritating SHORT Irken! Are you blind as well as a incompetent conqueror? "  
  
" SHORT?! " Zim roared back. " HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME, YOU LITTLE FOOL, I'LL CRUSH YO— oh you're a male. My bad. " Zim rubbed at the back of his head. " I wasn't sure and guessed. "   
  
" My Bad! My Bad! " Gir made kissing noises and then went to playing cowboy on Zim's antenna.   
  
The Martian, X-2, He humphed and glared back at Zim. " Could of just asked, honestly. " He rolled his eyes again. " Now.. IRKEN.. ZIM.. Whatever you call yourself. Couldn't we come to some mutual agreement, one that either allows you to set me on the ground or AT LEAST upright me. All my bloods going to me head... " His big black eyes went rather cross. " I'm think I'm going to faint.. "   
  
Zim rubbed his chin and finally up righted the Martian. He didn't sent him down tho, instead, those long mechanical spider legs began to move and he skittered over the court yard. " Very well, MARTIAN. Here's the deal I will purpose to you. YOU are now my Prisoner, till I can be completely sure you are telling me the complete truth. Until then, I'm not letting you out of my sights to let DIB know you're here. THAT Accursed Earthling. "   
  
X-2 sighed and managed to wiggle one arm out of the metal bonds. Plopping his face down on his glove, he lowered his eyelids and stared irritated at the Irken. " Deals usually consisted of BOTH parties getting something out of it, you know, Irken. "   
  
" I won't CRUSH you. That's what you get, Martian X-2. " Zim swatted at Gir and picked up speed. The metal tips of his spider legs clicked against the asphalt.  
  
" Oh Goody... " The Martian slumped slightly, and then turned his attention up ahead. " Where are you taking me anyway? "   
  
Zim looked up at the dangling Martian in front of him and smiled. A nasty kind of smile. " My sub-lair on this Accursed rock! From which I will RULE this Dirty planet. "   
  
" Yes.. you've told me that. " The Martian sighed again, and looked down at the Irken's SIR Unit, that was gnawing on his shoe. " Gir was it? "   
  
The droid stopped slobbering to look up with a stupid smile. " Nice to meet you! X-2 is a silly name, Have another? "   
  
" Marvin. "  
  
" I LIKE that One! "   
  
" GIR. Be Quiet! Marvin IS better then X-2 " Zim rounded another corner, his human-liar straight ahead. " Behold, MARVIN. You're NEW home for quiet a while. I hope your stay is horrible! "   
  
" Hooray! I'll Make TACOS! " Gir cheered!  
  
" Oh .." Marvin rolled his eyes again. Tapping his ebony cheek with one gloved finger. " ..goody. "   
  
End Chapter One 


End file.
